Hospital Memories

Tonight I find myself on the couch, joined by my husband sleeping on the other end, ice water with lemon on the coffee table and an exhausted but not disparaged body and mind.

Our life is so different than 3 weeks ago. Sometimes it just hits me like a hard blow when I sit and think about all that has transpired in our lives in which seems like the blink of an eye. God has been so good. He has been my comfort when no one else could be. When I couldn't voice what I was thinking to anyone else, He already knew.  What a testament to His grace that I can now share with others because of last week.

I remember sitting in the waiting room, enduring what seemed like an eternity but yet was only about 3 1/2 hrs. Ann had come to sit with me after dropping the baby off with my good friend, Sarah. We walked around part of the time trying to make time pass by a little more quickly. We went outside, talked, looked at pictures, and the whole time I could not let my mind rest. Not until I saw my husband. Every time the back door opened into the waiting room I hoped it was for me.

1:00 finally came and Dr. (Marcella) Greene  (whom I kept mistaking as Marigold) arrived in the waiting room. Ann and I went in the hallway as the surgeon assured us of how well the surgery went. Hearing the news almost immediately brought tears to my eyes because of the relief. I was embarrassed. I hate crying in front of people when I can't explain, and there I was - blubbering away.

Next on my agenda- seeing my sweetheart. Next on the hospital staff's agenda- MORE waiting. We were told we could not see Chris until he was out of recovery which was going to be at least 30- 1 hr. We were told his room assignment and off we went. I remember I had no appetite - in fact, quite the opposite. I didn't want to do anything else but see my cancer-free patient :)

People called- I didn't answer. I felt selfish and maybe I was. I was feeling a little numb.

At 2:00 I saw a bed wheeled into the room with my Christopher lying down on it. I remember he looked green. (His mom told me that Bob -his dad- had always looked green after anesthesia) He was sweating, and had a long slit along the bottom of his throat. I teared up as I went over to him and kissed his forehead. I immediately started asking what he needed and what I could do for him.

I remember how sleepy he was. He told us that he was SO hot and his throat hurt. I think I remember him seeming irritated at the pain.  I remember his nurses- one whom I noticed all of the other nurses calling Miss Julie; a sweet, sunny, southern belle. The other was Kyla who was experiencing her first day as an RN. She was so kind. She asked me how long we had been married and then told me she had just gotten married 3 months ago. They were just the best. Nurses really determine your experience at the hospital, and I think God knew that I would need overly nice ones.

The rest of the day just kind of dragged on by. Chris went in and out of sleep and tried to stay comfortable. The anesthesia made him so sick. By the end of the day, he had vomited 4 times. I can't even imagine the pain of having a slit in my throat and having to throw up on top of that! I felt so bad for him and tried to be the best nurse I could be. I remember I didn't make it through the first throw up. I had to run for it ( way down the hall where I was out of ear-shot) Good thing his mom was still there.

Ann left around 5:30 and to get Connor and pick up fries and a milkshake for me. I wasn't sure I was hungry, but a milkshake sounded pretty good. When I got back up to the room, to eat my "dinner" Chris got sick again. I didn't have the choice to run for it. He needed me- he needed me to rub his forehead with a warm washcloth and hold a towel under him to avoid any excessive mess.

Maybe that's all it takes to cure one of doing what was previously thought to be impossible. To realize that someone else's needs are more important than your being comfortable. I endured it and I realized that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After that, I didn't have any appetite, so I drank about 3 sips of the milkshakes and hardly touched the fries.

As the day got darker and the night came I sat in the room on the couch watching my husband. I posted some pictures on the computer and tried to read news and watch TV, but that only lasted so long. I went to Chris' bedside every time I saw his head move and his eyes open to care for whatever he needed. I remember one instance in particular when he seemed uncomfortable and I kept asking him questions to which he finally replied in a raspy voice " I think I just want to be left alone for a little while." I won't lie- it hurt my feelings, but he didn't mean to and I knew it. I went back to the couch for a little while, my eyes continually growing more sleepy and my body more weary. I still hadn't called anyone back so I ventured out into the hallway for some fresh air. (If you can get fresh air in a hospital) I called my friend Nikki in VA and while talking about pretty much nothing, I just broke down.

I had been in the room too long, I think. It hurt me to see how badly Chris was hurting and it aggravated me that I didn't know what to do for him. I wanted to read his brain but I couldn't. I wanted to know when he was going to smile at me and be able to talk with me. I wanted to help, but was helpless.

A few minutes after I hung up with her and was walking back to the room, I got a call from Ashley (another good friend) asking me which hospital I was at and telling me she was coming to see me. I connected the dots and realized Nikki had sent her because she couldn't come herself. Ashley had just gotten off of work and after a long day there still came up to be with me. She and Johnny (her husband) arrived with Subway, drinks, smiles, and hugs. We sat in the waiting room for a bit until Chris called and said he wanted to see them too.
This was the first time that Chris had really talked the entire day!

I was overwhelmed with happiness. His eyes were more alert and he was tired but it was wonderful to see a little glimpse of the old Christopher back. We sat in the room and talked together until Chris' dose of percocet kicked in and he was sleepy again.

We prayed together- the sweetest prayer- asking the Lord to uphold Chris and help him heal quickly. I was so thankful for these friends that night. As we walked out of the hospital into the night air, and said our goodbyes, I realized how tired I was. So tired that I became a little scared about driving home. I called Ann to tell her I was on my way and then called my sister. It got me home.

The next day I woke up at 6:30 and was at the hospital by 7:30 just in time to see the surgeon. She told us that Chris' calcium levels were right on track and that he could go home. As the hospital discharge routine started, we started preparing Chris to go home. I remember he felt immediately better when he finally got out of his bed. He slowly dressed and after that even walked down to the cafeteria with me so that I could get some coffee.

I think the nurses were a little nervous to give him that permission, but they did - telling me to be sure to stand close on the elevators as sometimes they can give people who are recovering from surgery a funny feeling. ( I kind of laughed to myself thinking how ironic it was that I was the one having to help him on the elevator- usually it's the other way around! I hate elevators...)

We were on our way by 9:45. I was so relieved to be walking in our front door. Chris was so happy to see Connor again and it was a sweet reunion.

I say all of that but would be remiss in not mentioning how thankful I was during that time to have loving family and caring friends. So many people were praying for me, were offering anything could to me, and were helping me. Chris' mom took care of us. She helped with Connor, made us food, and did really whatever was needed, I was so glad to have her here. My sweet friends from in town and all over the country made sure I knew they loved us. And most of all, I realized yet again through a little video that my sister-in-law shared with me how much God loves ME and the little tokens He gave to show more of His love to me.

Tears are coming down my cheeks as I think about how blessed we are. I have no idea what lies in store for tomorrow, but I do know that whatever it is, I must never get my eyes off of that fact.

The fact that I am blessed.