{Sweet Moments}

Yesterday and today have been hard days. Mostly in my mind. I can't tell you how many times I've quoted
11 Cor. 12:9 to myself- it's the only thing that has kept me off an emotional roller coaster. We're getting ready to leave on our first deputation trail, and we'll be away from our make-shift home for a month. Not bad- some missionaries are on the road for 6! I think the Lord knew that my heart couldn't take that, and He has worked it out perfectly, that everywhere we go we're not too far from at least one of our family members. SUCH an indescribable gift. God is so good- in so many ways.

I am trying to pack our things, and having trouble focusing, telling myself that I don't want to pack so much that we feel like there's not room in the car for us--and chiding myself because I pack too much every time. At the same point, knowing that if I don't pack that one extra shirt for little guy that I'm going to be sorry. My mind is a "mom's" mind right now, spinning in a thousand different directions in 30 seconds. Not to mention, all of us have had severe sinus trouble this week, and that hasn't helped the energy level any .

It has not been bad- just a bit draining. Mostly the thought of what's to come on this new adventure that we're starting out on that neither one of us knows what to expect from.

The excitement of the unknown and getting to do what God has called us to do, is phenomenal. The uneasy feeling of the unknown is very real. We will be visiting various churches, meeting all kinds of people, sharing our burden for the lost, enduring sad times and facing disappointments.

I catch myself again, looking to much into the future. God hasn't promised to tell us all that will happen, but He has promised that He will be with us every step of the way. Through our glad times, through our sad times. He will be there. He will be there when people disappoint, because He never disappoints. He will be there as our Rock (Ps. 18:2) when all around us is sinking sand. He is my Redeemer, and my Savior.

If all of this is true, then why do I doubt? Why do I insist on borrowing my troubles from tomorrow? Why do I feel sorry for myself about having to do all of this preparation? The answer's clear- I've gotten my eyes off off of the entire reason for my family's calling, for my life. Tonight the Lord reminded me, that this is all for Him. It's not for the churches we'll visit, it's not for the people of Cambodia. It is for His honor and glory. Tonight I was reminded to keep my eyes on Him. It's amazing the peace He gives, right at that moment. It's amazing the strength He gives and the joy He renews. The Lord is extra precious to me tonight, and He gave me a precious gift to settle my heart on tonight.

I never have rocked Connor much, he's always been such a good sleeper, and has never really required it. He's not a snuggler, and generally goes straight to sleep the minute his head hits the pillow. I'm still not really sure what was the problem tonight, but I can count on one hand how many times it's happened in the 18 months that he's been with us. I closed his door the first time, and he started whimpering. It got louder- I ignored it for a while thinking he'd put himself to sleep. After another failed attempt at getting him to sleep, I decided to get him out of his crib just to give him a quick hug and a kiss.

This turned into a 10 minute rocking and cuddling session, that was more precious to me than anything else in the world. I sang softly in his ear and he laid perfectly still- with his beautiful blue eyes concentrated on my lips. He put his little chubby cold hand on my cheek and loved to feel my jaw move as I sang. I then sat down, and just told him what a little blessing He is to dad and I, and how much we love him. I kissed him probably 1,000 times and soaked in every moment. I thought about how much I loved this little man, and how he wouldn't always be this little. I then held on to him a little tighter. We sat that way for a few minutes more, me whispering to him, and him mimicking me by whispering his little words back. I thanked the Lord right at that moment for that little blessing tonight. I thanked him for my family, and for His goodness to us. My heart was full. Daddy came up after he got home from prayer meeting and did the final goodnight, sang a little song, and put our little one to sleep.

I wouldn't trade this for the world tonight. I am so blessed, so content, and so joyful. And I realize yet again that these sweet moments that God gives us are exactly for that purpose- to get our eyes back on Him, and off of ourselves. It's amazing how everything falls right back into place, when we do that simple deed of placing our lives, willingly, back into His loving hand. I hope you treasure your sweet moments tonight and remember Who is giving them to you and the purpose of which He gives them to you.

God is so good to us.