Yesterday and today have been hard days. Mostly in my mind. I can't tell you how many times I've quoted
11 Cor. 12:9 to myself- it's the only thing that has kept me off an emotional roller coaster. We're getting ready to leave on our first deputation trail, and we'll be away from our make-shift home for a month. Not bad- some missionaries are on the road for 6! I think the Lord knew that my heart couldn't take that, and He has worked it out perfectly, that everywhere we go we're not too far from at least one of our family members. SUCH an indescribable gift. God is so good- in so many ways.
I am trying to pack our things, and having trouble focusing, telling myself that I don't want to pack so much that we feel like there's not room in the car for us--and chiding myself because I pack too much every time. At the same point, knowing that if I don't pack that one extra shirt for little guy that I'm going to be sorry. My mind is a "mom's" mind right now, spinning in a thousand different directions in 30 seconds. Not to mention, all of us have had severe sinus trouble this week, and that hasn't helped the energy level any .
It has not been bad- just a bit draining. Mostly the thought of what's to come on this new adventure that we're starting out on that neither one of us knows what to expect from.
The excitement of the unknown and getting to do what God has called us to do, is phenomenal. The uneasy feeling of the unknown is very real. We will be visiting various churches, meeting all kinds of people, sharing our burden for the lost, enduring sad times and facing disappointments.
I catch myself again, looking to much into the future. God hasn't promised to tell us all that will happen, but He has promised that He will be with us every step of the way. Through our glad times, through our sad times. He will be there. He will be there when people disappoint, because He never disappoints. He will be there as our Rock (Ps. 18:2) when all around us is sinking sand. He is my Redeemer, and my Savior.
If all of this is true, then why do I doubt? Why do I insist on borrowing my troubles from tomorrow? Why do I feel sorry for myself about having to do all of this preparation? The answer's clear- I've gotten my eyes off off of the entire reason for my family's calling, for my life. Tonight the Lord reminded me, that this is all for Him. It's not for the churches we'll visit, it's not for the people of Cambodia. It is for His honor and glory. Tonight I was reminded to keep my eyes on Him. It's amazing the peace He gives, right at that moment. It's amazing the strength He gives and the joy He renews. The Lord is extra precious to me tonight, and He gave me a precious gift to settle my heart on tonight.
I never have rocked Connor much, he's always been such a good sleeper, and has never really required it. He's not a snuggler, and generally goes straight to sleep the minute his head hits the pillow. I'm still not really sure what was the problem tonight, but I can count on one hand how many times it's happened in the 18 months that he's been with us. I closed his door the first time, and he started whimpering. It got louder- I ignored it for a while thinking he'd put himself to sleep. After another failed attempt at getting him to sleep, I decided to get him out of his crib just to give him a quick hug and a kiss.
This turned into a 10 minute rocking and cuddling session, that was more precious to me than anything else in the world. I sang softly in his ear and he laid perfectly still- with his beautiful blue eyes concentrated on my lips. He put his little chubby cold hand on my cheek and loved to feel my jaw move as I sang. I then sat down, and just told him what a little blessing He is to dad and I, and how much we love him. I kissed him probably 1,000 times and soaked in every moment. I thought about how much I loved this little man, and how he wouldn't always be this little. I then held on to him a little tighter. We sat that way for a few minutes more, me whispering to him, and him mimicking me by whispering his little words back. I thanked the Lord right at that moment for that little blessing tonight. I thanked him for my family, and for His goodness to us. My heart was full. Daddy came up after he got home from prayer meeting and did the final goodnight, sang a little song, and put our little one to sleep.
I wouldn't trade this for the world tonight. I am so blessed, so content, and so joyful. And I realize yet again that these sweet moments that God gives us are exactly for that purpose- to get our eyes back on Him, and off of ourselves. It's amazing how everything falls right back into place, when we do that simple deed of placing our lives, willingly, back into His loving hand. I hope you treasure your sweet moments tonight and remember Who is giving them to you and the purpose of which He gives them to you.
God is so good to us.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Things I don't want to forget..
*Warning- this is a mommy post, so if you're not interested in the happenings of an 18 mo. old then I can tell ya, you won't enjoy this post. ;) This is for me to remember things when Connor's older, so bear with me..*
Connor is quite the little communicator these days. He turned 18 months old yesterday, and I can tell we're nearing two. It's so hard to believe we got here this fast, but I guess that's how life goes eh?
Connor is definitely a very special kid. Just when I feel like the grasping feeling of frustration is rising to its peak inside of me, he looks up at me with those beautiful deep blue eyes, and taps my leg and says with the cutest little voice in the world, "mommy." That is his favorite word right now. I'd say at least 500 x a day - that's what comes out of his mouth. Usually it is followed by gibberish that he really believes I can understand, and boy do I wish I could! (well, maybe ;) Sometimes it sounds like he asks permission and I nod my head and wish 5 seconds later that I would've said no.
I would compare Connor right now to a fast-moving train through a quiet little town. He goes from one thing right to the next without a breath of hesitation. His mind is always moving, and we've got ourselves a bundle of energy on our hands!
Connor Judson is pure joy to our lives, and I do say that with all honesty. He has such a funny personality, and loves to make us laugh. He is learning (VERY slowly) but learning to obey, and not throw fits about things every time he doesn't get his way.
{quick interruption} - Have I mentioned what an incredibly wonderful dad my husband is?? Well, let me just brag on him a little bit. Chris is one of the most patient dads I've ever seen, and he is so good to balance me out :) Whenever I'm frustrated with Connor and don't know what to do, Christopher takes over. He disciplines in love and everytime I see him dealing with Connor, loving on Connor, reading to Connor, I look at him and fall in love with him all over again. God knew exactly what I needed , and for THAT I am thankful. I had no idea when I married Chris what kind of dad he would be, or even what kind of mom I would be! I still don't know how "good" we are, compared to others, but let me tell ya, we love being parents..it is exhausting at times, it is confusing, it is just plain hard, but we love our Connor, and pray daily that the Lord would help us be what we need to be.
Okay :) - moving on! I've come to grips with the fact that Connor is just going to be one of those kids, that, as he gets older will need planned activities, to keep him busy. Never idle hands! I'm sure this will be a challenge, but we're up to it. I'm glad we're young.
"Connor-isms":
"Hi-iiii" (super drawn out every time he says it)
"Byyyyeee" (again, drawn out)
"Mom or Mommy" (constantly)
"Ummmm" (this one's the cutest, I think)
"Uh- (long pause) ohhh"- when accidents happen or when he "drops" something on purpose- I've tried to explain that uh-oh is only for accidents, but we'll save that learning hump for a different time ;)
"Biby"- Bible
"acchs"- socks
"shees"(kind of- I really don't know how to spell the annunciation) - shoes
"Mi-ma"- Middo man (dad and I's nickname for him)
"ah-dee"- yes sir
"me mim"- yes ma'am
"bees"- please
One of my favorites- everytime the phone rings or a beep goes off he yells, "mom!" and then right away, "hewwo?" It makes me smile EVERY. time.
...and then a lot of words dad and I just aren't gettin' yet :)
He loves to sing and loves to hear people sing. When he hears singing, he talks really high and softly, and draws his little jibberish out, and tries to imitate singing. One of his favorite songs right now is "If you're happy and you know it"- he's very enthusiastic about that one. I've gotten it on video and will post soon! And B-I-B-L-E - he loves to yell "Biby" at the end.
He loves to say hi and bye to anyone AND everyone. In the grocery store, I start to feel bad for people, because if we're standing there for any length of time, he will say hi at least 10x. I always just try to not make anyone feel bad if they start to get annoyed with saying hello for the 80th time haha!
He loves to walk around in big people shoes, and listen to the clop clop sound behind him- of course, this makes high heels even more exciting. (I'm sorry son, don't hate me when you read this when you're 16 ;)
He loves to be with his dad. Right now, Chris has been very busy with renovating a bathroom, so this has been extra challenging. Next year at this time, I think he'll be all set to help dad.
He loves to be kissed, and I don't mind wearing this one out. I love lovin' on him.
He loves remote controls, touch-screens, and phones. Buttons, buttons, buttons.
He loves to hold conversations with people, and I could just listen to his jibber-jabber all day.
I'm determined to just take one day at a time and learn as I go. Chris and I have learned so many things from the Bible about parenting that have already been so useful but no matter how much we try to have a list of things to do and not to do, what's really gonna get us through is prayer. God has to be in this thing. We'll just do what we know to do from the Bible and what He tells us through His word and trust Him to give us wisdom as we raise our little guy for His glory.
"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: .."- Psalm 127:1
-He's the Master builder, we're just His co-laborers- What a phenomenal opportunity we have as parents. Here's to another day of mommy-hood - the best job in the world.
Connor is quite the little communicator these days. He turned 18 months old yesterday, and I can tell we're nearing two. It's so hard to believe we got here this fast, but I guess that's how life goes eh?
Connor is definitely a very special kid. Just when I feel like the grasping feeling of frustration is rising to its peak inside of me, he looks up at me with those beautiful deep blue eyes, and taps my leg and says with the cutest little voice in the world, "mommy." That is his favorite word right now. I'd say at least 500 x a day - that's what comes out of his mouth. Usually it is followed by gibberish that he really believes I can understand, and boy do I wish I could! (well, maybe ;) Sometimes it sounds like he asks permission and I nod my head and wish 5 seconds later that I would've said no.
I would compare Connor right now to a fast-moving train through a quiet little town. He goes from one thing right to the next without a breath of hesitation. His mind is always moving, and we've got ourselves a bundle of energy on our hands!
Connor Judson is pure joy to our lives, and I do say that with all honesty. He has such a funny personality, and loves to make us laugh. He is learning (VERY slowly) but learning to obey, and not throw fits about things every time he doesn't get his way.
{quick interruption} - Have I mentioned what an incredibly wonderful dad my husband is?? Well, let me just brag on him a little bit. Chris is one of the most patient dads I've ever seen, and he is so good to balance me out :) Whenever I'm frustrated with Connor and don't know what to do, Christopher takes over. He disciplines in love and everytime I see him dealing with Connor, loving on Connor, reading to Connor, I look at him and fall in love with him all over again. God knew exactly what I needed , and for THAT I am thankful. I had no idea when I married Chris what kind of dad he would be, or even what kind of mom I would be! I still don't know how "good" we are, compared to others, but let me tell ya, we love being parents..it is exhausting at times, it is confusing, it is just plain hard, but we love our Connor, and pray daily that the Lord would help us be what we need to be.
Okay :) - moving on! I've come to grips with the fact that Connor is just going to be one of those kids, that, as he gets older will need planned activities, to keep him busy. Never idle hands! I'm sure this will be a challenge, but we're up to it. I'm glad we're young.
"Connor-isms":
"Hi-iiii" (super drawn out every time he says it)
"Byyyyeee" (again, drawn out)
"Mom or Mommy" (constantly)
"Ummmm" (this one's the cutest, I think)
"Uh- (long pause) ohhh"- when accidents happen or when he "drops" something on purpose- I've tried to explain that uh-oh is only for accidents, but we'll save that learning hump for a different time ;)
"Biby"- Bible
"acchs"- socks
"shees"(kind of- I really don't know how to spell the annunciation) - shoes
"Mi-ma"- Middo man (dad and I's nickname for him)
"ah-dee"- yes sir
"me mim"- yes ma'am
"bees"- please
One of my favorites- everytime the phone rings or a beep goes off he yells, "mom!" and then right away, "hewwo?" It makes me smile EVERY. time.
...and then a lot of words dad and I just aren't gettin' yet :)
He loves to sing and loves to hear people sing. When he hears singing, he talks really high and softly, and draws his little jibberish out, and tries to imitate singing. One of his favorite songs right now is "If you're happy and you know it"- he's very enthusiastic about that one. I've gotten it on video and will post soon! And B-I-B-L-E - he loves to yell "Biby" at the end.
He loves to say hi and bye to anyone AND everyone. In the grocery store, I start to feel bad for people, because if we're standing there for any length of time, he will say hi at least 10x. I always just try to not make anyone feel bad if they start to get annoyed with saying hello for the 80th time haha!
He loves to walk around in big people shoes, and listen to the clop clop sound behind him- of course, this makes high heels even more exciting. (I'm sorry son, don't hate me when you read this when you're 16 ;)
He loves to be with his dad. Right now, Chris has been very busy with renovating a bathroom, so this has been extra challenging. Next year at this time, I think he'll be all set to help dad.
He loves to be kissed, and I don't mind wearing this one out. I love lovin' on him.
He loves remote controls, touch-screens, and phones. Buttons, buttons, buttons.
He loves to hold conversations with people, and I could just listen to his jibber-jabber all day.
I'm determined to just take one day at a time and learn as I go. Chris and I have learned so many things from the Bible about parenting that have already been so useful but no matter how much we try to have a list of things to do and not to do, what's really gonna get us through is prayer. God has to be in this thing. We'll just do what we know to do from the Bible and what He tells us through His word and trust Him to give us wisdom as we raise our little guy for His glory.
"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: .."- Psalm 127:1
-He's the Master builder, we're just His co-laborers- What a phenomenal opportunity we have as parents. Here's to another day of mommy-hood - the best job in the world.
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