{Sweet Moments}

Yesterday and today have been hard days. Mostly in my mind. I can't tell you how many times I've quoted
11 Cor. 12:9 to myself- it's the only thing that has kept me off an emotional roller coaster. We're getting ready to leave on our first deputation trail, and we'll be away from our make-shift home for a month. Not bad- some missionaries are on the road for 6! I think the Lord knew that my heart couldn't take that, and He has worked it out perfectly, that everywhere we go we're not too far from at least one of our family members. SUCH an indescribable gift. God is so good- in so many ways.

I am trying to pack our things, and having trouble focusing, telling myself that I don't want to pack so much that we feel like there's not room in the car for us--and chiding myself because I pack too much every time. At the same point, knowing that if I don't pack that one extra shirt for little guy that I'm going to be sorry. My mind is a "mom's" mind right now, spinning in a thousand different directions in 30 seconds. Not to mention, all of us have had severe sinus trouble this week, and that hasn't helped the energy level any .

It has not been bad- just a bit draining. Mostly the thought of what's to come on this new adventure that we're starting out on that neither one of us knows what to expect from.

The excitement of the unknown and getting to do what God has called us to do, is phenomenal. The uneasy feeling of the unknown is very real. We will be visiting various churches, meeting all kinds of people, sharing our burden for the lost, enduring sad times and facing disappointments.

I catch myself again, looking to much into the future. God hasn't promised to tell us all that will happen, but He has promised that He will be with us every step of the way. Through our glad times, through our sad times. He will be there. He will be there when people disappoint, because He never disappoints. He will be there as our Rock (Ps. 18:2) when all around us is sinking sand. He is my Redeemer, and my Savior.

If all of this is true, then why do I doubt? Why do I insist on borrowing my troubles from tomorrow? Why do I feel sorry for myself about having to do all of this preparation? The answer's clear- I've gotten my eyes off off of the entire reason for my family's calling, for my life. Tonight the Lord reminded me, that this is all for Him. It's not for the churches we'll visit, it's not for the people of Cambodia. It is for His honor and glory. Tonight I was reminded to keep my eyes on Him. It's amazing the peace He gives, right at that moment. It's amazing the strength He gives and the joy He renews. The Lord is extra precious to me tonight, and He gave me a precious gift to settle my heart on tonight.

I never have rocked Connor much, he's always been such a good sleeper, and has never really required it. He's not a snuggler, and generally goes straight to sleep the minute his head hits the pillow. I'm still not really sure what was the problem tonight, but I can count on one hand how many times it's happened in the 18 months that he's been with us. I closed his door the first time, and he started whimpering. It got louder- I ignored it for a while thinking he'd put himself to sleep. After another failed attempt at getting him to sleep, I decided to get him out of his crib just to give him a quick hug and a kiss.

This turned into a 10 minute rocking and cuddling session, that was more precious to me than anything else in the world. I sang softly in his ear and he laid perfectly still- with his beautiful blue eyes concentrated on my lips. He put his little chubby cold hand on my cheek and loved to feel my jaw move as I sang. I then sat down, and just told him what a little blessing He is to dad and I, and how much we love him. I kissed him probably 1,000 times and soaked in every moment. I thought about how much I loved this little man, and how he wouldn't always be this little. I then held on to him a little tighter. We sat that way for a few minutes more, me whispering to him, and him mimicking me by whispering his little words back. I thanked the Lord right at that moment for that little blessing tonight. I thanked him for my family, and for His goodness to us. My heart was full. Daddy came up after he got home from prayer meeting and did the final goodnight, sang a little song, and put our little one to sleep.

I wouldn't trade this for the world tonight. I am so blessed, so content, and so joyful. And I realize yet again that these sweet moments that God gives us are exactly for that purpose- to get our eyes back on Him, and off of ourselves. It's amazing how everything falls right back into place, when we do that simple deed of placing our lives, willingly, back into His loving hand. I hope you treasure your sweet moments tonight and remember Who is giving them to you and the purpose of which He gives them to you.

God is so good to us.

Things I don't want to forget..

*Warning- this is a mommy post, so if you're not interested in the happenings of an 18 mo. old then I can tell ya, you won't enjoy this post. ;) This is for me to remember things when Connor's older, so bear with me..*

Connor is quite the little communicator these days. He turned 18 months old yesterday, and I can tell we're nearing two. It's so hard to believe we got here this fast, but I guess that's how life goes eh?

Connor is definitely a very special kid. Just when I feel like the grasping feeling of frustration is rising to its peak inside of me, he looks up at me with those beautiful deep blue eyes, and taps my leg and says with the cutest little voice in the world, "mommy." That is his favorite word right now. I'd say at least 500 x a day - that's what comes out of his mouth. Usually it is followed by gibberish that he really believes I can understand, and boy do I wish I could! (well, maybe ;) Sometimes it sounds like he asks permission and I nod my head and wish 5 seconds later that I would've said no.

I would compare Connor right now to a fast-moving train through a quiet little town. He goes from one thing right to the next without a breath of hesitation. His mind is always moving, and we've got ourselves a bundle of energy on our hands!

Connor Judson is pure joy to our lives, and I do say that with all honesty. He has such a funny personality, and loves to make us laugh. He is learning (VERY slowly) but learning to obey, and not throw fits about things every time he doesn't get his way.

{quick interruption} - Have I mentioned what an incredibly wonderful dad my husband is?? Well, let me just brag on him a little bit. Chris is one of the most patient dads I've ever seen, and he is so good to balance me out :) Whenever I'm frustrated with Connor and don't know what to do, Christopher takes over. He disciplines in love and everytime I see him dealing with Connor, loving on Connor, reading to Connor, I look at him and fall in love with him all over again. God knew exactly what I needed , and for THAT I am thankful. I had no idea when I married Chris what kind of dad he would be, or even what kind of mom I would be! I still don't know how "good" we are, compared to others, but let me tell ya, we love being parents..it is exhausting at times, it is confusing, it is just plain hard, but we love our Connor, and pray daily that the Lord would help us be what we need to be.

Okay :) - moving on! I've come to grips with the fact that Connor is just going to be one of those kids, that, as he gets older will need planned activities, to keep him busy. Never idle hands! I'm sure this will be a challenge, but we're up to it. I'm glad we're young.

"Connor-isms":
"Hi-iiii" (super drawn out every time he says it)

"Byyyyeee" (again, drawn out)

"Mom or Mommy" (constantly)

"Ummmm" (this one's the cutest, I think)

"Uh- (long pause) ohhh"- when accidents happen or when he "drops" something on purpose- I've tried to explain that uh-oh is only for accidents, but we'll save that learning hump for a different time ;)

"Biby"- Bible

"acchs"- socks

"shees"(kind of- I really don't know how to spell the annunciation) - shoes

"Mi-ma"- Middo man (dad and I's nickname for him)

"ah-dee"- yes sir

"me mim"- yes ma'am

"bees"- please

One of my favorites- everytime the phone rings or a beep goes off he yells, "mom!"  and then right away, "hewwo?" It makes me smile EVERY. time.

...and then a lot of words dad and I just aren't gettin' yet :)

He loves to sing and loves to hear people sing. When he hears singing, he talks really high and softly, and draws his little jibberish out, and tries to imitate singing. One of his favorite songs right now is "If you're happy and you know it"- he's very enthusiastic about that one. I've gotten it on video and will post soon! And B-I-B-L-E  - he loves to yell "Biby" at the end.

He loves to say hi and bye to anyone AND everyone. In the grocery store, I start to feel bad for people, because if we're standing there for any length of time, he will say hi at least 10x. I always just try to not make anyone feel bad if they start to get annoyed with saying hello for the 80th time haha!

He loves to walk around in big people shoes, and listen to the clop clop sound behind him- of course, this makes high heels even more exciting. (I'm sorry son, don't hate me when you read this when you're 16 ;)
He loves to be with his dad. Right now, Chris has been very busy with renovating a bathroom, so this has been extra challenging. Next year at this time, I think he'll be all set to help dad.

He loves to be kissed, and I don't mind wearing this one out. I love lovin' on him.

He loves remote controls, touch-screens, and phones. Buttons, buttons, buttons.

He loves to hold conversations with people, and I could just listen to his jibber-jabber all day.

 I'm determined to just take one day at a time and learn as I go. Chris and I have learned so many things from the Bible about parenting that have already been so useful but no matter how much we try to have a list of things to do and not to do, what's really gonna get us through is prayer. God has to be in this thing. We'll just  do what we know to do from the Bible and what He tells us through His word and trust Him to give us wisdom as we raise our little guy for His glory.

"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: .."- Psalm 127:1 
-He's the Master builder, we're just His co-laborers- What a phenomenal opportunity we have as parents. Here's to another day of mommy-hood - the best job in the world.

Update

Well! I did pretty well today I would say.

Breakfast: Yoplait Light, Raisin Bran Crunch

Lunch: Salad

Snacks: Banana, Orange, Granola Bar

Dinner: Mac n Cheese (okay so that's not the best but it's all about portion right?!?)

AND I'm ignoring the cupcakes sitting on the kitchen counter. Instead it's lemon water for me.

Yup, thus is the life of trying to lose weight. This. is. awesome.

Can you tell I need some encouragement?? :)

I can already tell that I won't keep up with this update EVERY day. It would be far too boring of a post and I just don't see me being that faithful with it. I will keep track somehow though.

I hope you all enjoy your brownies and milk that you're eating right now while you sit on your laptops and enjoy your evening.

I"ll be here.

With my water.

The Goal

Tonight I embark on a new adventure.

The adventure of weight loss.

I was invited by my sister-in-law to a weight-loss challenge of 6 lbs. by Christmas. My plan is to write about my activity and eating during the day as a way to look back and keep track of what I did and if it works! :)

We are all keeping each other accountable and I'm excited to see the results! This is the first time I've had a goal of losing a specific amount by a specific date.

The best part of this is that Christopher has decided to help me. We are getting up tomorrow morning at 6:30 to walk. (Since I canNOT run...) at least not yet. :)

I hear all different kinds of weight loss success stories-some people decide that allowing a little indulgence saves you from going overboard the next time you eat. On the other hand, some people say to totally withdraw yourself from every temptation. I have made the decision to have NO soda and NO sweets.

Now friends, I hope this works, I really do. This is going to be hard, but I really want to see if I can do it. I need encouragement though! Will you help me?

I miss you

I miss hearing you "play" your trombone.

I miss seeing you squish peanut butter and jelly up in milk and eat it with a spoon.

I miss playing Quiddler and waiting FOREVER while you chose just the right word :)

I miss hearing you call grandma "honey-pot"

I miss hearing you play your guitar all of the time.

I miss hearing you try to teach the boys how to sing "When it's Sleepy-Time down south."

I miss looking at your garden with you, and discussing all of the different plants and what your future plans were with the garden.

I miss sharing my favorite peppermints that you always had handy with you.

I miss the trip I took with you, Grandma, Aunt Gee, and Allison, in which you and I were in the back seat laughing and annoying Grandma with asking if we could stop every 30 minutes :)

I miss your Santa hat at Christmas.

I miss your barbershop songs that we would always sing together at the piano.

I miss you giving us a personal tour ~every year~  of your unbelievable Dickens Village that you collected and set up every year.

I miss hearing you pray.

I miss hearing you preach.

I miss sitting in the kitchen with you while you cooked me eggs and toast in the morning - and they had to be perfect ;)

I miss meeting you and Grandma for coffee and toast in the morning.

I miss the celebration dinner you and Grandma had for me when I got my license.

I miss the way that although you had many grandchildren, you always knew how to make all of us individually
feel so special and loved.

I thank you for your sacrifice for our country.

I thank you for leaving such a great heritage for your grandchildren and great grandchildren and so on...

I thank you for loving your wife, and being such an example to us.

I thank you for your love for the Lord.

I thank you for your advice, correction, and investment in us.

I thank you for your love to us.

How is that time has so mindlessly sped to where I am now? When did I stop being the little girl that would climb up on your lap and want to strum on your guitar while you played the correct chords to make me think that I was actually the one making those good tones on the guitar? When did I grow to be a wife and a mom and leave childhood behind me? How is it possible that time has gone this fast and I look now and realize you're gone?

It's still hard to believe, especially when I walk into your house, that you're gone.
You were so young at heart and such a fun and loving person to be around.

But then it seemed that time caught up with us all. I realized for the first time ever that you were actually getting older and things were changing. I realized that I had better get in as many hugs and conversations, and songs I could now, and I did. I really did. And then you were gone.

I miss you, Grandpa. Sometimes it's extremely painful and one of those nights is tonight. I'm watching basketball in Kansas and remember various conversations about Bill Self and what a good team KU is but how your first pick to win would be Illinois. I remember a few days before you died, you telling me to tell Chris to still cheer for KU and talking yet again about Bill Self being your favorite coach.

Time goes too fast, that's for sure.

I'm so thankful I will see you again, Grandpa .... until then I have a pretty big supply of memories that I borrow from everyday and save the special stash for nights like this when I miss you so very very much.

Sickness makes the heart grow fonder....

Okay....maybe not.

But it definitely lets you cuddle with your kiddos more!

Connor has bad congestion, a cough, and is just all-around miserable. It's terrible for the little fella. I noticed though, last night when he woke up in the night from all of the congestion and we were snuggling in bed (which we hardly EvEr do!) , how nice it was just to feel his little blonde head on my shoulder with his little sniffles and to hear his little raspy voice say "mama" over and over again.

Connor is such a sweet boy, but as he gets older I've noticed that cuddling just isn't the most favorite thing to do anymore. I then settled back into bed and held on even just a little bit tighter.

I was so tired..We have been trying to get moved in and settled in my parent's house before we head to Kansas next week. Nevertheless, comforting a sick baby, as all of you mama's know, never gets overlooked. Somehow all of your weariness (maybe not ALL ;) gets pushed aside while you comfort your "eedle" one.

Today he's just walked around and played, but we've gotten in a lot more snuggle time because of his feeling puny. I wish I could just hold onto these memories and stick them in a bottle,  never to be forgotten, as my little guy grows up.

Even though it maybe means sleepless nights, a whiny baby, and maybe less time for getting things done around the house---I'll definitely take the extra time for snuggling and sweet kisses...

Kampuchea- Home Sweet Home :)

Today I write to you, my blog friends from my future home. A place that is not quite yet home to me, but will become so in a few years or so.

If I may, I would ask that each of you take your mind from where you are sitting to a place far away. A very hot and rainy place. A place that is entirely different from where you comfortably rest in your cozy home. Journey with me to a place where life is simple. Where all you have depends on how much you sell that day.To homes underwater because of rainy season and extreme flooding--to Cambodia.

 This country is so different. Not just different faces, and a different language, but EVERY aspect of people's lives is so different than those in America. I won't go into much explanation because I never want to seem like I am looking down on the Khmer people because they are different. Making that clear, it was a shock to me to see the lifestyle here.

Toilets are a luxury.
Why use water that you have to pay for when there are puddles outside to take a bath in?
Diapers on babies are gross. (That one really amuses me ;)
Personal property and privacy--what a notion!

These are just some of the differences that differ Khmer people from the American people. I suffered such culture schock the first night we arrived. It didn't help that I was 24 hours out of sleep and that I was away from my sweet baby boy.

Trash is commonplace here. Sometimes it is just piled up outside of homes or stores. People stare at us and our white skin. The price of everything goes up here - for us. We are American and that means we're rich.

The first few days were a struggle. My dear new friend, Sopiep is allowing us to stay with her at the Ruppel's house and that has been a life-saver. We have had so much fun. She has taught me Khmer words and explained to me a lot about the culture here.

Though there are so many differences, much more is the same than one would think. We all have families that we love dearly. We all have friends that we like to go shopping and eat with. We all suffer heartache when a loved one has passed on, or when disaster strikes, but the clearest similarity of all is that- we ALL are in need of a Savior. We all are the same in God's eyes in that aspect.

When God sent His son to die for the world, was it just for you and me, friends? I dare not think so. He came for the woman living out in the rice field. He came for the mother raising 2 children alone. He came for the dying old man in a lonely room somewhere. We do not pick and choose who the Lord wants to come to Him. He came for the world, and every single person in this world.

Our coming here has nothing to do with whether these people are different than us or not, but it has EVERYthing to do with our purpose here on this earth.

Those of us who are born-again Christians have a responsibility to tell the world the greatest message of all.

It is not for me to decide where I will serve. It is not for me to decide what my life will entail. The Lord will protect and provide. We are here on His errand, and He will take care of His servants. 

I do not pretend that every step of this process will be easy. We are leaving family, friends, and everything that we know to come to a place that is completely foreign in mind and culture.I am human, I have fears and mountains that seem impossible to climb, but that is when the Lord has opportunity to make Himself real to me and my family.

My husband and I are not great people, we do not pretend to be more than what we are, but we do want to be used of God. This is what God has called us to do, and so who can be against us?

I have met so many Khmer people who have already become dear friends to me, and I know will just love Connor. We will be taken care of, I have no doubt. There are western things here to avert home-sickness a little, and I am prepared to make this my home. I already love the people so much and look forward to our ministry here.

I think it is the neatest thing to think that my kids will be bi-lingual and will be making lasting friendships with Khmer kids their age.

Our home will be our haven. It'll be our little piece of our America in Cambodia. We are both so close to our families, and that will probably be the greatest struggle of all (being completely honest), but I have confidence that the Lord will work everything out. I'm so thankful for Skype, cell phones, the internet, and airplanes. :)

I wanted to write a little bit about what was going on in my heart and I hope that it was a blessing.
We definitely need prayer. There will be I'm sure hard things and hard times, but to know that people are praying for us and thinking of us is priceless.   

What is the Lord calling you to do? I promise, whatever it is- there is complete joy and satisfaction when you follow His leading in your life.